(Bear in mind his sister has had a tummy bug for a few days so I was worried he might have got it too)

Me: Oh dear. That’s not good. Where do you feel ill?

Jake: Err, everywhere.  But if I go to my friends birthday party it’ll make me feel much better.

What the heck is this thing?!?!?!

It is often said that children are like sponges and that they absorb everything they see and hear in the world around them. I don’t think that’s entirely accurate. Children learn some things quickly, instantly in some cases, and never forget it. They could also experience the same thing day in day out for months or even years and it will never ever get deposited into their memory banks. And we parents sit and wonder why, and get  little frustrated too.

From observations of my son and from speaking to parents of his friends I have learned that there is no obvious pattern. You would think that children would learn the stuff they enjoy more and forget that which they don’t like or see as boring or trivial, but that isn’t always the case.

For example my son remembers that he has to eat his greens at dinner time, even though he hates it. But he will forget that he has a chocolate bar waiting for him as a special treat.

Long term he seems unable to remember to put his shoes on in the morning after he puts on his socks. Me or mammy have to remind him every day. He does however remember the lyrics to an explicit Irish satirical song he heard by accident on the radio two Christmases ago. The song is called ‘Horse Outside’ by The Rubberbandits, it features a lot of swearing and discussion of why horses are better than Japanese sports cars. Of course, every time he hears someone talking about a horse he blurts out the chorus of the song. Luckily he can’t remember the words properly, but he certainly remembers the tune and the title.

As a parent sometimes I think I would love to able to find out the magic formula that makes my children remember something. Do I have to present the information in a certain way or does the child need to be in a certain frame of mind, or is it something else? But then I realise that if I could make my children remember and learn everything so easily they would be emotionless robots.

How and what a child learns makes up part of their personality. Forgetting things and having to be reminded constantly contributes to their development as their minds adapt and grow. And I find it endearing, if also embarrassing, when the monkey decides to sing ‘Horse Outside’ in public.

Maybe this is the sort of parenting mystery that is best left unsolved? I enjoy teaching my children things – even if I have to repeat myself. It’s what make fatherhood so rewarding (and tiring).

To be honest St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland is just like the stereotype. We try to deny it, but it’s true. If you have the freedom to go drinking then that is what you will do. You will have a great time, you will sing a lot, dance a lot and very next day you either have a massive hangover or end up speaking to God on the porcelain telephone.

However, having children changes all that. Responsibility mode kicks in.

The monkey gets ready.

Officially, St. Patrick’s Day is meant to be family friendly. Up and down the land local councils hold festivals and parades. The biggest of these is the Dublin one which comprises funfairs, treasure hunts, artsy crafty stuff as well as a humongous parade that 500,000 people come out to watch. In theory it sounds great, but in reality the popularity of these events makes them a less than pleasurable experience for parents of young children. I am reluctant to take Jake to crowded event in case he runs off and gets lost. Plus, these events tend to feature ice cream vans and the like which no three year old can resist.

The Dublin parade is a bit mental. By the time the parade passes the crowds watching are at least 10 deep on each side. So you can either arrive early, wait in the rain and then end up getting crushed by the crowds as you battle to hold on your spot. Or you can try to find some sort of vantage spot behind the crowds which is unlikely. Doing this alone is crazy enough, but with young children? No way!

This year we decided to establish a family tradition. For each St. Patrick’s Day we are going to visit a different smaller town or city to see their parade.

No idea.

It’s true that the parades in smaller towns don’t have the polish of the big Dublin parade, but I like that. The floats are made by whoever was willing to give up some time and money to help. The Dublin parade features some extreme and blatant commercialism. In local parades the extent of commercialism is “If your car breaks down, speak to Jim there. He’ll sort you out”. Also, the lack of crowd barriers lets you get closer to the action and there is a much more family friendly buzz.

This year we chose Wicklow Town. The parade lasted about 40 minutes and featured pipe bands, German marching bands, fire engines, horses, boxing rings on the back of a truck and St Patrick driving a tractor. What more could you want?

It either sets Ireland back 50 years, or proves that stereotypes exist for a reason.

How else would you celebrate?

A great day was had by all.

(until Josie started yakking, but that’s another story)

There are just too many similarities.

The Village in The Prisoner was colourful and featured quirky architecture as does Justins House. Number 6 wore the same clothes all the time as does Justin.

Just look at the similarities!

In The Prisoner number 6 could never take what happened in the village at face value. His captors were always trying to trick him into doing something he’d rather not. In Justins house Little Monster is forever trying to trick Justin.

Number 6 was unable to leave the village and if he ever did he would be forced to return pretty quickly. Likewise Justin very rarely leaves his house for more than a minute or two.

In The Prisoner agents would be sent in to try and break number 6, if they failed they would be removed from their task without warning. In the case of Justins House what they hell happened to ‘Dee Livery’? She disappeared! Were Justins captors punishing her for her failure? I think so.

And then there was the fantastical technology. The Prisoner featured mind swaps, memory manipulation and supercomputers. Justins House features a humanoid robot that seemingly channels the spirit of Larry Grayson.

And the biggest similarity? Number 6 was rumoured to be John Drake from the series ‘Danger Man’. I have a sneaking suspicion that Justin Fletcher may actually be Mr Tumble from Something Special – remember you heard it here first!’

Justins House is not a childrens show, it is a docu-drama about a man held captive in a fantastical world against his will where he is forced to engage is pointless tasks designed to break his will.

It makes perfect sense.

Jake: Daddy, what’s that tune?

Me: It’s the Super Mario Brothers theme tune.

Jake: Oh I LOVE THE SUPER MARIO BROTHERS!!!

Me: Really? What do they do?

Jake makes a face slapping gesture.

Me: Why would they do that?

Jake: Because they’re brothers of course.

You wonder if you should give them medicine or if you should go to the doctor. Will you make them rest in bed or allow them to pig out in front of the telly? It just makes you worry.

But, fevers are normal. Your child’s body goes feverish in order to try and ‘bake’ out the infection. Without the fever your child would probably be a lot more ill as the virus/bacteria in their system would be living in conditions better suited to allowing them to multiply.

Temper tantrums are a bit like fevers. Parents hope they never happen, but they are unavoidable.

A temper tantrum is your childs way of expressing their frustration when they don’t have the vocabulary or intelligence to do it they way an older child would. They are letting you know they are really, really not happy with the way things are going.

Many, err most, temper tantrums are unjustified, Your child wants something they shouldn’t have, be it chocolate, TV or to stay up late. You tell them that they can’t have it and then BOOM you are facing a raging, screaming child.  What they are doing is testing boundaries. Older children and adults can negotiate to test boundaries, young children can’t. So they resort to the temper tantrum, the only tool they have to get their point across.

Different parents handle temper tantrums differently. My way is to stand my ground, but to give my children a chance to tell me why they feel aggrieved. I want them to see that I wont give in if they are throwing a tantrum to get sweets or to stay up late, but that I will listen to them to make sure they are being treated fairly. I will also try to explain why I am standing my ground. If they know the reasons why you are standing firm they will be less likely to kick off about the same issue in the future.

Returning to my earlier analogy, tantrums are like fever in that parents don’t want them to happen but that when they do they worry if it is normal. They wonder if the children of other parents kick off as much as theirs do. They might even wonder if they are being good parents. Like fevers, temper tantrums are a normal and expected part of growing up and you should embrace them as a learning experience.

So long as you react the same way each time your child has a tantrum they will learn where the boundaries lie. They will learn that some battles just aren’t worth fighting.

You can use the tantrum to learn more about your child. You will learn about the things that makes them kick off so that you can structure your daily routine to suit. Plus you can use it as a means to add some structure to their lives by always reacting the same way.

I’d be the first to admit temper tantrums are headache inducing nightmares, but they are a perfectly normal part of childhood development. If you try to stop them you will only hurt your children and yourself.

“Here Jake, have some change instead and put in in your pocket to keep it safe”

“Okay daddy and I’ll take the tenner as well for safe keeping too.”

He’s a right chancer.

Sure we had a few more sleepless nights and we now had to consider how to drop the monkey off at creche while at the same time not be late for work. But the changes were manageable.

Then the munchkin arrived and everything changed.

Handling two young children is exponentially more difficult than handling one. On one hand you have a screaming baby who craves constant attention, on the other a 2 1/2 year old mischievousness troublemaker who is not averse to engaging in a little bit of munchkin jealousy every now and then.

We have more sleepless nights partly to the munchkin who is light sleeper, but also to the monkey who has made a fine art of getting in to bed with us before we notice only for him to knee or elbow one of us after he has snuggled in between us. And if one child gets sick, the other will probably follow suit soon after. And when that happens mummy or daddy will have to take time off work to look after them because they aren’t allowed to go in to creche when sick. And then there’s the cost of having two kids, it’s a lot.

I love my kids so much and I couldn’t t imagine life without them, but looking after them does take it’s toll on mummy and daddy. We get tired and that can impact our work productivity and we have to take time off work at short notice. My wife is lucky as she is self employed and has a lot of flexibility. I on the other hand work for a mobile phone firm that is not family friendly.

Taking a day off to deal with family matters is to them an ‘unauthorised absence’ even when taken from annual leave. I know it’s probably illegal, but they pay well so I wont complaint too much.

I have found it difficult to keep my family life separate from my work life  If I’m kept awake I’ll be tired, if the kids are sick and it’s my turn to look after them there’s nothing I can do but take the day off.

What I have learned is that having a family friendly job is pretty important and if you can get yourself in to one before your kids are born then your life will be a lot easier.

We live in a rented house in central Dublin. It’s a basic two bedroomed house and our landlord is pretty cool. He lets us do what we want so long as the rent keeps flowing. The house used to be his childhood home and he would rather keep it and rent it out than sell it.

We’ve been living there a year and a half and never had any problems, until now.

Oddly, the gas bill is in our landlords name. We’re not too sure why, it’s just the way things worked out. The problem is that he has taken his time forwarding the bills to us. Last week we got a bill for €2100! This is on top of us paying €1000 last year to Bord Gáis (the Irish gas board) because we figured we need to pay something even though we weren’t getting any bills.

€3100 is a crazy amount to pay for a year and half’s worth of gas, especially for a small two bedroomed house. Maybe half that, but even that amount would be excessive.

When you are faced with a bill like that it focuses your mind on to figuring out what went wrong. In this case we came to  few conclusions….

• Our suspicions that the house was incredibly energy inefficient were confirmed.
• We should have been more pro-active in wondering where our bills were.
• We should have demanded a Building Energy Rating certificate when we moved in – that’s a legal right in ireland.

So now we find ourselves in an odd situation. The landlord owes Bord Gáis €2100, we in turn owe him the same. We don’t have that sort of cash to hand.

The landlord told Bord Gáis to chase us for the money directly. We told Bord Gáis to back off because they were a right shower of cheeky feckers.

Basically it’s a mess.

The lessons learned….

• Keep track of the bills you have received, or which you haven’t.
• Don’t live in energy inefficient homes
• Don’t rely on your landlord to be better at paperwork than you are.